My response:You dug deep for this one, SW -- good on ya.
Growing up in an angry home teaches children to be hyper-vigilant as they try (mostly in vain) to outguess what will make Mom/Dad explode in order to avoid the outsized consequences. BTW, this is excellent training for being able to quickly identify garden-variety crazies in adulthood, but it comes at the cost of being confused and ashamed of one's natural instincts and reactions during the formative years. It's very hard to course-correct for this later in life. There's always some need to fulfill that role of punisher long after the perpetrator departs. And this is a result of far more than yelling, although things tend to start there.
That's why I'm glad for you that you are figuring this out now, and have stepped back to dispassionately recount the histories of the men in your life. Very hard work to recall it, and very admirable to share it. You love your boys and you show them, and that's how you prove that you're your own man and have broken the cycle.
Thanks for the breathtaking mini-memoir, and best of luck. -- KT
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